Maura's Help and Cailin's Guilt
by Wolflover007
Summary: After their surgeries Cailin asks for Maura's help again but things don't go as planned. Will Cailin get past the guilt to have a relationship with Maura?
1. Accident

"Thanks for coming Maura." Cailin said as Maura stepped into Hope's house.

Cailin normally wasn't there because she was going to BCU but it was winter break. Even though Cailin despised Maura at first, she had learned to accept Maura into her life. She understood that her mother couldn't have known Maura was alive and therefore had to mourn for the daughter she lost.

She also couldn't imagine the pain Maura went through. Never having her real mom or dad around, having to behave as an adult even as a child, always wondering and probably blaming herself for Hope never finding her.

"Of course Cailin. I'm always happy to help you and to see you." Maura replied sweetly. She never blamed Cailin for hating her nor could she blame Hope for not finding her. She was just glad that they wanted her in their life.

Maura set her bag of tools down and hugged her sister. Cailin hugged back and Maura winced when she touched her lower back. Cailin let go and looked away.

"Still hurts huh?" Cailin asked forgetting that it would take Maura longer to heal.

"A little bit. How bout you?" Maura said as she sat down on the couch.

"Not a bit. Weird isn't it?" Cailin said feeling a little bad.

"Oh don't feel bad. It'll just take me a little longer because I'm older." Maura said knowing she felt bad.

"How did you…"

"You forget I can read faces and you feel bad for me."

"Yeah… I do…"

"Don't Cailin."

Maura smiled and went to look at the T.V on the wall. She looked behind it and couldn't find anything wrong.

"Cailin I thought you said the TV was broken." Maura said confused. That is the reason that Cailin called her out there and since Maura was off duty till she felt better she came.

"It is watch." Cailin turned the T.V. on but the screen was black. Maura stood there puzzled then remembered something.

"Is your TV satellite?" Maura asked.

"Yeah but what does that have to do with it?" Cailin asked concerned.

"I have an idea." Maura said confidently.

"Did you just guess?" Cailin asked teasingly know her older sister hated guessing.

"No I theorized on how to fix your TV." Maura countered back.

"You'll fix it before mom gets back won't you? Oh I'm in so much trouble. I called you because you're the smartest person I know." Cailin rambled.

"You think I'm smart?" Maura asked.

"Yeah I just said that." Cailin offered back.

"I know it's just nice to hear it again." Maura smirked as she headed outside.

Cailin rolled her eyes and went outside with Maura. Maura looked through a shed and found what she was looking for. She called Cailin over to help her move a tall ladder to the roof. Once it was leaned against the roof Maura grabbed her bag of tools and had Cailin hold the ladder while she climbed to the snow covered roof.

Maura saw the snow covered satellite and set her bag on the somewhat flat roof. She looked at Cailin and told her she knew what was wrong.

"There's snow and ice on the dish. I can take it from here." She told the younger woman who went back inside. Maura began clearing the snow from the dish with a flat snow rake she built. Once the snow was cleared she carefully took out an ice pick and picked away the ice on the dish.

**3 hours later**

"Cailin come here." Maura yelled from the roof.

Cailin came outside to see the dish had been cleared. She was amazed that Maura helped her. Maura told her to test the TV. Cailin went back inside to test it out. She came back outside with a smile.

"It works Maura. Come down so you can warm up." Cailin said.

"I got to pack up then I'll come in. Go back inside." Maura said.

Cailin went back inside and began to make hot chocolate for her sis.

**10 Minutes later**

Hope Martin pulls into her driveway after running some errands. As she gets out of the car she sees a figure on the roof. She quietly walks so the figure doesn't notice her.

"Who is…?" Hope started as she saw the figure putting stuff away. Thinking it was a burglar (for Maura was covered and her face had a mask on for protection and warmth) Hope ran inside scared.

Cailin Martin was quietly watching TV when Hope burst through the door.

"Mom?! You're back early. I-" Hope cut her off by placing a hand over Cailin's mouth.

"Shh. Honey there's a burglar on the roof." Hope whispered.

Cailin was confused then remembered that Maura had all black on and a ski mask. She also knew Maura wouldn't know that Hope had seen her. Cailin moved Hope's hand.

"Mom that's not a burglar. It's-"

CRASH! A large crash was heard outside the house. For a moment there was silence and neither moved then…

"OOOWWWWWWW!"

Another few moments of silence…

BAM! "DAMNIT!"

Cailin started to leave but Hope grabbed her arm and shook her head. Hope then grabbed a knife from the kitchen and walked outside. Cailin started to explain again but her mom was stuck in her ways.

Hope slowly walked around the back to see the "burglar" out like a light. But who walked and hit the pole of the house before falling on their back into the snow. Hope took the bag and looked through it seeing a foldable steel snow rake, an ice picker and a pair of gloves. Looking around she saw the ladder from the shed was on the ground and the person must have slipped from the roof and landed on the exposed cement laying under it.

"What the hell?"

Cailin took the mask off Maura's face and blood in the snow. She waved her hands and shook her to wake her up but it didn't work. Hope appeared behind Cailin and gasped. The person on her roof wasn't a burglar but her recovering daughter Maura Isles. She moved Cailin out of the way and tried to examine Maura.

Maura had a cut on her head, an injury to her side and a broken leg. Cailin called 911 and said that Maura fell off the roof.

"Can we bring her inside mom?" Cailin asked with concern for her older sister.

"No she might have a head injury." Hope said as she was in medical mode.

"Why the hell is she even here?" "I mean she's supposed to be at home recovering." Hope said concerned that Maura might have injured something badly.

"Umm… she wanted to see me." Cailin said hoping that would be enough.

"Cailin." Hope said sternly not buying the story for a second.

"Alright. I thought I broke the TV but I couldn't get a guy to fix it till Monday so I called Maura and she helped me. She cleared the dish of the snow and ice but she said she knew what she was doing I'm sorry I didn't think she would fall…" Cailin felt terrible for what happened to Maura.

"Aww Cailin honey it's ok." Hope said.

"No it's not I was stupid and now she's hurt." Cailin started to cry. She saw Maura's bone sticking out through her leg and got sick. Hope felt hopeless. One daughter that she treated horribly is hurt and another feels guilty. She wanted to help Cailin but couldn't leave Maura's injuries to comfort her. The EMT sirens got louder as time progressed…

Cailin knew she had to make up to Maura. She treated her like shit but Maura saved her life and now 2 months after surgery Maura once again saved her ass but got even more injured this time. She promised herself that she would make it up to Maura, but how?

The sirens ring louder as the evening begins in Boston…


	2. Only Choice

Cailin sat in the chair of the waiting room crying softly. Maura had been rushed to the emergency room and was being examined. Cailin tried to stay there for Maura but became too sick when the extent of Maura's injuries were truly revealed. Maura had shattered most of the bone in her leg and her ribs were cracked.

_My Fault. It's my fault. She should've been home. I could have waited. _ Cailin thought to herself as she buried her head in her hands. She thought that this would keep the reality at bay. A defense mechanism Maura would have corrected her. Her soft cries filled the empty ER.

Hope left Maura's room to comfort Cailin. She had to hold pressure on Maura's leg until the doctor said she could leave. She saw Cailin run out looking sick. She knew it was because of the injuries. She went through the same thing when she first saw a gruesome injury. She had to hold Cailin for there was nothing else they could do.

"How is she mom?" Cailin asked when Hope sat next to her.

"She has 3 cracked ribs and most of her leg was shattered." Hope said trying not to cry for she knew what the injuries meant for Maura. Hope put her arm around Cailin as they waited.

* * *

Hope had sent Cailin to get some food and get Maura off her mind. Hope had called Constance even though she didn't want to. She was the woman that raised Maura and therefore she should have a say in what happens to her. Constance arrived and was furious at Hope.

"What did you do?!" Constance screamed at Hope blaming her for Maura (her Maura) being here.

"Constance please calm down." Hope tried to calm the woman down.

"First you abandon Maura then you beg her to give an organ to your daughter and now she's in the hospital only two months after saving your daughter's life. You are really asking for it!" Constance said with venom at the other woman.

"Look we can argue later. Please we have to do what is best for Maura." Hope tried to remain strong, glad that Cailin was gone so she didn't have to see the confrontation. Thankfully Constance agreed and calmed enough for Hope to explain.

"Alright. I guess I can't blame you for that after all you brought her here." Constance said to the shaken woman. The two decided to bury their own emotions for Maura's sake. They were interrupted by a doctor clearing his throat.

"Ladies are you here for Ms. Isles?" the doctor asked.

"Yes I am her mother." Constance said to the man. Hope swallowed her pride for she knew she had no say in what happens to Maura.

"I see then we need to talk. Let's go to my office." The doctor said to Constance. They began to leave when Constance looked back at Hope who had started to cry softly. She didn't like the woman but Maura had learned to forgive her and even help her. So why shouldn't she?

"Wait." She said going to Hope and offering her hand. Hope took it confused on what was Constance was doing. Constance pulled Hope to the doctor.

"I am Maura's adoptive mother but this is her biological mother Dr. Hope Martin." Constance explained to the doctor.

The two doctors shook hands and the doctor explained that Hope had no say in Maura's treatment. Constance explained to the doctor that she wanted to give Hope a say in treatment.

"Ms. Isles it doesn't work like that. You have the final say but Dr. Martin might be able to give advice." The doctor explained to the two women.

"Very well. We shall do it your way then." Constance said and the three of them went to the office.

* * *

Cailin returned with food to find her mother gone. She asked the nurse if Maura was stable enough to see. The nurse let her see Maura and told her to be quiet.

Cailin pulled back the curtain and saw Maura laying there. Her leg wasn't any better but the blood loss was slower. She also had a tube down her throat to help her breath and her heartbeat was slow.

"She's weak but stable for now."

Cailin nodded and went to Maura's bedside. She held Maura's hand and lightly squeezed it. The nurse explained that Maura was on an IV and therefore couldn't respond. Cailin refused to believe that.

"Damn it Maura wake up!" "Please do something!" Cailin yelled not out of anger but fear that Maura wouldn't wake up. Her short time at BCU hadn't prepared her for this. She would need more time to be able to be a doctor like Maura.

"I'm so sorry Maura." Cailin whispered in Maura's ear. The nurse was just about to pull her away when she saw something.

She looked again. It can't be. She was just traumatized and freaking out. The nurse took her away. It couldn't be. She didn't see that but she did. Maura was smiling at her but she was unconscious. She sat in the waiting room waiting for Hope to return. Cailin laid down and fell asleep.

"Very well. Do what you must for her." Constance said as the three of them left the office.

"You do understand the risk of this." The doctor asked. The risks were not only physical but emotional as well.

"Yes but if it will save her then do it." Constance said.

"Very well. You may want to go home and rest. But you may see her first." The doctor said pulling back the curtain. Constance gasped as she saw how her daughter was. She tried to get closer but couldn't. She ran just as Cailin had being too sick to stay.

The doctor left Hope alone in the room. Hope held Maura's hand and squeezed it gently. She leaned into Maura's ear and whispered.

"Maura listen, you have to fight this. You're going to hate me and your mother but we did it to save you. I lost you once…" Hope started and held Maura's hand tighter.

"I lost you once and I'm not going to lose you again. Maura you got to be strong please. For Constance, for me but mostly for Cailin. I love you Maura. I always did I want you to know that." Hope kissed Maura's head as a lone tear fell onto Maura.

Hope went to Cailin who was still sleeping and picked her up. She looked at Constance and nodded. Constance still doubted it but Hope knew it was best. She rubbed Constance's back and left with Cailin.

Constance wanted to stay for Maura but couldn't see her like that. She wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to the nurse.

"When she wakes up please give that to her." She told the nurse. The nurse nodded and took the paper. Constance looked back at Maura and cried softly. "Forgive me Maura" she whispered to the empty ER. Mr. Isles came and took her away.

A team of nurses wheeled Maura from the ER. Little did she know her life was about to change forever.\

* * *

**A/N: What do you think the choice was? Guess in the Reviews. **

**P.S. I already know :P**

**A/N 2: People have asked me if Jane will be in the story and I haven't made up my mind yet. And the story is rated M for Language, Maura's bloody injuries and the tragic events coming in the following chapters. I will add warnings when needed. **


	3. But I want her to

Hope and Constance sat in the waiting room. Constance cried as Hope held her.

"What happens now?" Constance asked.

"She'll stay in here until recovery. She'll have to get counseling and we'll have to be strong for her." Hope said crying. "Listen I know we don't agree on the past. But do you think we can put that behind us…for Maura's sake?" Hope said knowing that Constance didn't like her now that everything had settled.

Constance sighed deeply. She had always thought that Hope had died because of what Paddy told her. After finding out that she was alive she despised the woman because Hope had hurt Maura. She always questioned why she abandoned Maura and how someone could harm the daughter that she regained.

She remembered how Jane wanted to protect Maura and now she wanted to as well. But Maura had learned to have a relationship with this woman, as fragile as it was. She knows Maura is still her daughter but…

"I don't know. I mean I want to for her sake but it will take time. I'll try." Constance responded.

"She's beautiful and so kind." Hope said.

"What?" Constance responded.

"I always wondered how she would turn out. You raised an amazing woman Constance." Hope said with tears in her eyes.

"As did you. Cailin is a good kid. Different from Maura but good." Constance complimented.

"Thank you. I fear for Cailin. She hasn't moved since Maura came out." Hope said concerned.

* * *

Cailin held Maura's hand tightly as she sat in a chair. Hope had told her what had happened. She felt the guilt collapse on her and she welcomed the darkness. To Cailin it felt as though she had done it herself. That she changed Maura's life forever.

* * *

Angela and Jane burst into the ER. Hope had called them and asked them to come. Hope swallowed as Jane glared at her. She had never liked Hope and now that they were in the hospital she was scared of what happened.

"What did you do!?" Jane screamed at Hope.

Angela tried to calm Jane down. It didn't work. Her loud and stubborn daughter was making a scene again.

"I didn't do anything detective. I called you here to support Maura when she wakes up." Hope bit back.

Angela sat and Jane swallowed her pride. Hope was right that this was about Maura. Jane knew that Hope had to swallow her pride as well to call her.

"Let me explain…" Hope said. She explained what had happened and how Jane and Angela had to be there to support Maura.

* * *

Cailin snapped out of her trance by the sound of Jane's yell. She peeked her head out to see her mother explaining the story. She looked back at Maura. There it was again. That smile oh how Cailin loved that smile. She only wished that Maura would wake up when she did it. She decided to stay a little longer.

* * *

Jane looked as though she was about to hurt Hope. She paced back and forth rambling to herself. Hope had just given her the worst news. She just wanted to see Maura.

"Jane did you hear me?" Hope said.

"Yeah I heard you. How come you got to make the choice? We know Maura best." Jane said. She didn't know if there was a better choice but Jane was more involved in Maura's life than either of them.

"Jane please try to understand…" Constance started.

"No. How could you made the call for that? Maura has no idea that that…" Jane trailed off.

"Please try to understand it's not your fault or decision." Hope said.

"Like hell it isn't my choice! I'm more involved with her than you two ever were! You made her give a kidney to your real daughter. Now she helps that daughter of yours again and look what happened." Jane yelled and Cailin heard it.

"Jane honey it wasn't their fault. Nor is it ours we had no say in that choice." Angela tried.

"Well if it's not our fault and it wasn't these two's fault who can I blame?" Jane asked.

* * *

Cailin could hear every word the four women were saying. Jane was right. whose fault was it? It wasn't Maura's fault. It will never be. It wasn't Constance's, Jane's, or Angela's fault cause they weren't even there. It wasn't Hope's fault. For Hope didn't even know Maura was up there. It had to be her fault. While the fall wasn't Cailin's fault, Maura was up there because of her and all the events following were her fault.

Even though the choice to do this was Constance's, Cailin blamed herself for Maura being in the hospital at all. She rubbed her back and felt the scar. She just couldn't take anymore. Maura, a sister who she despised growing up, had given her a kidney to save her life and all Cailin had given her was pain and betrayal with this being the ultimate form. Maura should blame her for what happens next. Cailin deserved every ounce of hatred and anger that she had given Maura when she was growing up.

She looked at her hands and saw blood. Maura's blood soaked her hands. Her breathing became erratic as she tried to get back to reality. _I'm just tired. I'm seeing things._ She rationalized. She hadn't noticed that Hope was behind her.

* * *

"Cailin sweetie you ok?" Hope asked noticing Cailin's fast breathing.

"Mom is Maura bleeding?" Cailin asked.

Hope stared at her confused but decided to look anyway. She couldn't bring herself to pull the blanket any further down than Maura's waist. She saw no blood.

"No Cailin." Hope answered and covered Maura back up. Cailin sighed in relief. She hugged Hope and cried.

_Mom will Maura hate me?_ Cailin thought.

"I doubt that." Constance said as she and the Rizzolis entered the room. Cailin then realized that she spoke out loud.

"Maura is forgiving of almost everyone." Constance explained. As the 3 woman sat, Cailin let go of Hope. Hope also sat and looked at Maura.

"Ma I think I'm going to go home for the night." Cailin said. Hope thought it was a good idea since Cailin hadn't eaten all day.

Cailin headed for the door when Constance went to her.

"She loves you and will never make you feel guilty." Constance said to the girl before hugging her and going to Maura.

_But I want her to._ Cailin thought before heading home for the night.


	4. Waking Up

**Pre A/N: this may be slightly OCC but Maura is going through some stuff and remember that she's human too.**

* * *

Maura awoke to the sound of a monitor beeping. She tried to move but her body weighed a ton. Her arms felt like bricks and her leg hurt badly. She was able to move her head and look around. She saw the monitor and heard her heart beat slowly. She saw an ugly white room and tried to speak about how the color was horrible. She gargled and realized that something was in her throat.

Suddenly her strength returned and in a panic she pulled at the tube and thrashed. She felt a weight on her and thrashed harder. Suddenly a calm voice talked to her.

"Dr. Isles you're ok. Relax."

Maura felt as though she could trust the voice and relaxed. The tube was removed and a doctor stroked her face. He smiled as Maura looked at him in a panic. Maura calmed down and sighed. The doctor talked to her and asked if she was ok.

"My leg hurts badly."

* * *

"Dr. Isles I'm very sorry." The doctor said with that expression. The lifeless expression as every doctor tried to bury their emotions as they deliver bad news. Maura had been trained to do that expression as well.

"We had to do an emergency amputation of your left leg. We cut most of it off. And 3 of your ribs are cracked also. I wouldn't move much." The doctor explained.

Maura closed her eyes and growled in disbelief. The doctor pulled the blanket off Maura to show her. Maura looked down and saw a short stump. Most of her leg was gone. She gasped in disbelief and lied back in bed groaning as she felt her ribs pull.

"Fuck." She said. The doctor explained that Maura was alone in the hospital because Hope, Jane and Angela went back to work. Cailin sat at home doing college work and Constance had an art exhibit in Boston today.

Maura asked the doctor to leave her alone. The doctor left and a nurse came to examine her vitals. She gave Maura the note that Constance had left and left Maura alone. Maura opened the note and read it.

_My little Maura,_

_If you're reading this than it means that you are strong. I am very sorry for the decision that I made. Hope and the doctor had advised me that this was the best option for you. I hope you could understand that I did this to help you. I understand if you want to blame me but please forgive me Maura. I'll always be here for you, my baby girl. _

_ Love Mom_

"Mom I could never blame you." Maura said. She laid back and turned on the T.V. She flipped until she settled on NCIS. She tried to comprehend why this happened to her.

* * *

Cailin Martin sat in her living room crying loudly. Maura's leg was gone and it's all her fault. She hadn't eaten much and won't talk to Hope at all. She welcomed the darkness as it covered up the reality of her guilt.

She walked out to the scene from where Maura fell. She saw the blood that was still in the snow and on the concrete. She looked up at the satellite. It was still clear from Maura. She saw more tears clouding her eyes. She ran into the middle of the yard and fell to her knees. She screamed a violent guilt filled scream and cried more. She punched the snow violently.

"Fuck me! Fuck me! It's my fault! Damnit! Damnit! DAMNIT!" She was glad Hope was gone because she knew that she would ask. The phone rang and Cailin calmed enough to answer it.

"Hello?" "Wait really…That's great." Cailin hung up the phone and grabbed her house keys. She then left and knew she had to face her fears.

* * *

Hope Martin was holding Maura's hand. Maura hadn't said anything to her since she arrived. She knew Maura was in shock and most likely pissed off. But Maura hadn't sent Hope away so for that she was grateful.

Maura watched TV as Hope held her hand. She didn't want company but didn't have the heart to tell Hope to fuck off. She hadn't eaten since waking up even though Hope had tried to get her to eat something. Hope told Maura that she had to go back to work. Maura just nodded not saying a word. Hope gave up and understood that Maura would do things when she wanted.

* * *

Cailin Martin came into the ICU and asked for Maura's room. She found it and burst inside. She saw her sister sleeping with the TV on. She was confused because her mom had told her that Maura was awake. She knew that Maura most likely knew that her leg was gone.

She saw a look of anguish almost like Maura was having a nightmare. She felt her heart clench in despair. She moved slowly and straddled Maura to be able to see her better. She stroked Maura's face as a tear fell down hers.

"Oh Maura please wake up. Please…" Cailin begged in a weak voice. She couldn't stand to see Maura like this. She fell deeper into the shadows. She was about to leave when she heard something.

"Cai…Cailin?" Maura barely whispered.

Cailin gasped and leaned closer. Maura groaned.

"Come closer." Maura ordered. Cailin moved closer until Maura could speak in her ear.

"Maura?" Cailin asked quietly.

Maura waited a few seconds and watched the screen. She was interested in timing this right. Cailin just stayed still.

"Um... Maura please talk to me. I want to help ple-" Cailin was cut off by Maura smacking her in the back of the head, hard. She pulled away and found Maura's face stone cold. She swallowed and rubbed her head.

* * *

"Ow what was that for?"

"You really want to know what would help me?" Maura asked the younger woman.

Cailin nodded and Maura stroked Cailin's sides. Cailin whimpered as the touch felt strange but good. Maura smirked.

"How can I help you?" Cailin asked after Maura stopped stroking her. Maura's hand was firmly against Cailin's side.

"Well you could start by… Getting the fuck off me!" Maura shoved Cailin onto the ground hard. Cailin sat there confused and stunned that her sister would do this.

"Maura?"

* * *

Maura remained silent and refused to look at Cailin. Her expression was cold. Cailin was unsure how to proceed. She didn't want to upset Maura but wanted to talk. She settled on waiting for Maura to incite the act.

"Why Cailin?" Maura asked after an hour of silence.

"Maura I'm sorry." Cailin confessed noticing the sadness in Maura's tone.

"Why did I have to lose my leg? My career is over and I'll never walk again." Maura deadpanned.

Cailin cried helplessly. She was sad not only from Maura's words but the way she said them. Maura spoke without emotion, without hope. Cailin would give anything to trade with Maura. She's alive because of Maura and now she had taken Maura's life again. She's was a murderer.

No she was worse than that for she hadn't killed Maura but now Maura will be tortured for the rest of her life. Hell Maura wouldn't even be able to go to the bathroom without help. She ruined Maura's life forever.

* * *

"Cailin. Please leave." Maura said.

"But please you shouldn't be alone." Cailin pointed out wanting to stay with Maura. She feared this would be the last time she would see the older sister she had begun to love. She stood next to her and looked at Maura.

"I want to be alone. I even asked the others to not visit me." Maura said losing patience with Cailin.

"No I'm not leaving you. This is my fault. I should be the one with my leg gone. You had something to live for you-" Cailin was cut off as Maura pulled her into a gentle soft kiss on her lips.

Cailin pulled back after a few moments and looked into Maura's green eyes. She saw despair, anger, anguish and a small hint of acceptance. She wanted to get lost in Maura's green eyes and see Maura be happy again.

* * *

"Cailin leave." Maura said in an angry voice.

Cailin looked at Maura one last time and left with her head down in shame. She walked out into the cold winter air and let the cold numb her.

Maura looked out her window to see Cailin walking alone. She shed a tear for her younger sister. They were both traumatized and as Maura reviewed what Cailin said about how it should have been her she felt her heart clench. She lay back down feeling her ribs pull.

"Fuck."

Cailin looked up to the window to see Maura trying to lay back down. She couldn't see Maura in physical pain and felt the darkness in her heart grow. She had to make this right but she didn't know how. She saw the light to Maura's room turn off and with that light went Cailin's dream of Maura being ok.

The cold air numbed Cailin of her pain. While the warm hospital lit the anger in Maura. As they tried to return to a normal life one thought ran through both their minds.

_What have I done?_

* * *

**A/N: I am sorry I took so long to update. I just moved back to college so updating will be less frequent.**

**As Always give feedback. I don't think this is my best chapter but let me know.**


	5. Peaceful Moment

It had been a week since that incident and Maura is staring at the wall in her home. The TV is on but she ignores it. She wants nothing more than to shower but can't make it upstairs. The doctor told her that she would be bound to a wheelchair for a while. That meant living like a stranger. She was a guest in her own house, she couldn't even go to the bathroom. She had a fucking bag, a piss bag Jane would have joked. She wheeled to her kitchen to at least try to eat. She finds that Angela had moved the food so that she would be able to reach it.

Maura felt bad for asking Jane and the others to leave. She was more of a family to Maura than her real family. Maura knew that it was better though. She was used to being alone so it would be normal to her. Except it wasn't. Nothing was the same after she met Jane. She couldn't become the robot that everyone calls her for Jane had filled her heart with the love of a family.

She made lunch and tried to eat in the chair although most of it landed on her lap. She groaned and finished eating. She then wheeled to her stairwell pondering for a moment. She brought the chair to the edge of the bottom stair and lifted herself off the chair using her strong arms. Unfortunately the chair slipped from under her and she hit her ribs against the stairs. She whimpered in pain but crawled up the stairs with some difficulty.

* * *

Cailin Martin sat in her kitchen trying to think about anything but Maura. She wanted to see her but was concerned with how Maura would react since she was annoyed in the hospital. _Screw it_ she thought. She went for a walk to Maura's house.

* * *

Cailin entered Maura's house slowly. She feared waking Maura or pissing her off for entering her house.

"Maura?" Cailin called out quietly. She stumbled though the house and saw Maura's wheelchair empty. She was confused for Maura couldn't walk with her leg gone. She picked up the chair and carried it upstairs. She heard running water and checked the bathroom. The bath was running and Maura was staring at the tub while sitting on the ground.

Cailin watched as Maura tried to get in the tub. Maura couldn't climb into it and Cailin moved to help her. Maura felt trembling hands holding her. She growled and backhanded the person. Cailin was stunned as she felt Maura's strong hand hit her stomach. She grunted but still helped Maura get into the water.

Maura sighed and relaxed a little being in the water. Cailin cleared her throat and Maura looked at her. Cailin smiled and Maura ignored her. Cailin grabbed the soap and other things and put them where Maura could reach them. Cailin sat on the floor and stared at Maura. Maura shut the curtain and washed.

Maura opened the curtain and Cailin offered her a towel. Maura was surprised that Cailin was still there. She wanted to be alone but she saw Cailin's pain. She sighed and pulled herself up. She slipped and her wet body landed in Cailin arms. Cailin flushed embarrassed and Maura just asked to be wrapped. Cailin wrapped her and mumbled _bed._

* * *

Cailin laid Maura down on the master bed and went to leave when Maura pulled her on top of herself. Maura smirked and Cailin laughed. Cailin looked down, Maura had only a towel on and Cailin was fully clothed.

Cailin was sleepy so she lay her head down on Maura's chest, Maura laughed and put her strong arms around her sister. She heard Cailin's soft cries and held Cailin tighter. She kissed Cailin's head. She was at war with herself. She was mad at Cailin for what happened but also couldn't blame her for it.

She looked to Cailin's helpless face in anguish. She knew the younger woman felt guilt but will never admit it. She sighed and stroked Cailin's hair. She growled feeling the rage grow as she saw the stump. She was content to lay there and sleep with Cailin in her arms.

Figuring things out will wait till later.


	6. Realizations

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to update. This chapter is dark and will set the tone for the rest of the story. (the rest of the story will be dark). No specific warnings for this chapter but the next one will be the start of warnings. Also I will try to update once a month. Enjoy. **

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"Good morning class I trust you had a good break. My name is Professor Doyle and this is Psychology 250, Emotions and Mental Illness." An old brunette said.

Cailin sat in the lecture hall and listened as the professor gave her lecture. She was taking notes and was able to focus on something other than Maura for once. She smiled and was able to talk during class.

"Alright class what is an emotion?" Professor Doyle asked.

"Happy." Someone said.

"Sad." Another person said.

"Guilt." Cailin mumbled.

"Dear speak up." The professor said and Cailin looked around.

"Me?" Cailin asked.

"Yes what is your name?"

"Cailin."

"Well Cailin speak up in my class."

"Guilt is an emotion."

"Yes it is. Now while these are all are great examples I was looking for the clinical term." The professor said after hitting a key to change the slide.

"According to the American Psychological Association an emotion is, "A complex pattern of changes, including physiological arousal, feelings, cognitive processes, and behavioral reactions, made in response to a situation perceived to be personally significant." The professor continued.

"This could help explain why someone will act to a tragic event with anger and another with guilt or sadness." The professor finished.

Cailin's ears perked up at that and she thought about how angry Maura was with her that night in the hospital but how gentle she was when Cailin fell asleep on her chest that night. She remembered how she had to leave Maura three days ago to return back to Hope's house in order to get ready for school. She woke up earlier than Maura on the last night of her "stay" and saw Maura's look of anguish. She held Maura close and had to force herself to leave Maura all alone. Maura was tough though and Cailin figured she would be able to take care of herself.

* * *

Maura Isles was outside her Beacon Hill house enjoying the day. She was very bored now that she couldn't go to work. She tried to do something but simply watched the clouds pass as she sat in the wheelchair in the snow.

"Ms. Isles would you like to come in?" the nurse asked.

Constance hired a nurse to take care of her daughter while she was away. Maura hated the idea and still does but only accepted the idea after she couldn't go to the bathroom and had to stay like that all day until Constance visited her. At least the nurse was pretty so Maura didn't complain too much. She sighed and looked down at the stump. She rubbed it and it still felt like she still had a leg. She growled at the reality of this. Damn you Cailin. She thought.

"I guess you're right." She answered the nurse.

The nurse wheeled her back into the living room and left. Maura watched NCIS and relaxed.

* * *

It was 6:00 and Cailin was studying for class. She had thought about what the professor said. She didn't know what to do. She sighed and went on google. She googled guilt and read some articles about it. It didn't make her feel better though. She decided to go eat and get her mind off it.

* * *

Maura was eating with Hope who came to see if she was ok. Hope made Maura a special dinner of steak and potatoes. Maura didn't talk much and Hope didn't want to push her.

"Maura what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know Hope. I can't go back to work for BPD. I can't navigate a crime scene or do an autopsy. I'll find something."

"I can have you work at MEND if you want. That way you can still be a doctor."

Maura frowned and looked at the ground. "Thank you but I can't work with live people. I just can't…I…" Maura said as she held back tears.

Hope noticed and hugged Maura. She wanted to ask what was wrong but knew it wasn't a good idea. So she helped Maura lay down when they were done eating. Hope sat on the couch while Maura laid in her lap.

Hope smiled she had done this when Cailin was a child but never got to with Maura. She pet Maura's hair and sat there for as long as Maura needed. Maura fell asleep and Hope cried for she finally had a mother/daughter moment with Maura. Hope also felt guilty because she's the one who told Constance to amputate Maura's leg. There wasn't a better option but it was still partly her fault.

* * *

Cailin tried to sleep that night. She tossed and turned in bed and stared at the ceiling. She stood up and went to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and gasped as she saw her reflection. Her reflection smirked at her and said, "Killer." Cailin looked away. She went to lay back asleep.

_Cailin was standing atop the roof of Hope's house. Maura was holding on to the ledge screaming for help._

_"Cailin. Help me." Maura begged._

_Cailin grabbed Maura's hands and stared at her younger sister. She smirked and then pushed Maura off the roof. Maura screamed and hit the concrete. Cailin then went to her knocked out sister with a saw in her hand. She grabbed Maura's leg and began to saw away._

_Maura screamed in agony and Cailin punched her in the face. Cailin didn't stop until Maura's leg was separated from her body. Cailin held Maura's leg in her hand and laughed darkly. Maura whimpered in pain but said nothing to Cailin._

Cailin bolted upright in her bed. Her roommate was sleeping peacefully. She looked down at her hands and saw blood. She ran to the sink and washed her hands frantically. She didn't go back to sleep and sat on the couch. She cried and tried to hide from the world. She repeated one phrase to herself. "My fault. My fault. This is my fault. I'm a murderer."

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**A/N 2: I have decided to start a request only fic. You can read more about it in my profile as I have laid out the types of requests i'll accept and how to send them to me. Please adhere by the rules that I have laid out.**

**~Wolflover007**


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